I Put My Hand In a Chicken's Butt!

I am a self-proclaimed meat-phobe.  I only eat boneless chicken breast and turkey breast (no other meats including fish).  I don't even eat things with meat stock or meat flavoring of any kind (other than chicken).  And, if I can't thoroughly investigate the meat, I won't even consider eating it (i.e., chicken hidden in a wrap and smothered in sauce does not appeal to me unless I--or my mother who is used to my psychoses--have cooked it.)  For the first year or so of my marriage, I couldn't eat the chicken breast I had cooked because I had handled it raw.  If I drive behind a chicken truck and get attacked by flying feathers or bite into a piece of grizzle, I may not be able to deal with eating chicken for several days.  Okay, I think I have given you enough information to understand my chicken dilemma...and probably refer me to a psychiatrist.  Please don't comment with any diagnoses or try to sway my mind in any way.  I do not pretend it makes any sense.

Enough of the background....on to my chicken dilemma.  Many recipes call for chicken broth, but store-bought broth has onions and carrots, which are two things Emma can't have.  I decided to figure out how to make my own broth and was dismayed to learn that it included cooking a whole chicken (and dealing with the subsequent bones, veins, and other icky parts).  So, I looked into making a vegetable broth.  Of course, the base is onions, so that was likewise out.  When I searched for cream of chicken or celery recipes, I found that a prominent ingredient was....yep, you guessed it--chicken broth. I finally came to the realization that if I was going to make certain recipes, I was stuck dealing with a whole bird!

The easiest part was figuring out what spices/seasonings to use--I just called my Momma and asked her.  She pointed me to a recipe, and after removing the items Emma can't have I ended up using 2 tsp. salt, 3/4 tsp red pepper, 1/2 tsp. thyme, 1/2 tsp. black pepper, and 1 tsp. paprika.  The next step wasn't so easy, so I called Emma into the kitchen for moral support.  I told her she didn't have to do anything but stand there and talk to me as I rubbed the outside--and inside--of this chicken.  I touched the bird long enough to put it into a bowl and then had an epiphany--wrapping my hand in plastic wrap would be like wearing a glove.  Emma had a much better idea.  (Side note:  Emma likes collecting different colored gloves from doctor's offices, so she tends to take a pair from every new physician we visit.)  She ran to her room and grabbed a pair of rubber gloves of which she had duplicates.  Donned with purple gloves, I was ready to feel this bird up!

I rubbed his tummy, his back, and even lifted his wing as I pretended to apply deodorant.  (I find having a sense of humor makes most things more bearable.)  I talked to my bird pal and was fairly comfortable until I had to probe inside its neck hole.  I was not too sure if I was supposed to pull his neck out, so I left it.  Hearing the popping sound of bones and/or cartilage was the exact opposite of what I was wanting from this experience.  Around the time I was giving him a rectal exam, Emma sweetly said, "I love you, Mom."  Amidst the disgust I was feeling at pulling something long and weird out of its butt, I asked her why she was telling me this right now.  Her response?  "Because I know you are doing this for me."

We had chicken for dinner (the kids and I ate the breast while my husband actually got dark meat for a change).  I bonded with my daughter over a bird's behind.  But, most importantly, Emma has the topic for her future college essay:  My mom is my hero because she plays with chicken butt.

Woeful Wednesdays

We are still strictly following the dietary modifications given to Emma.  When I find something we like, I add the recipe into my binder so that I can refer to it later.  I am hoping to try (and approve) enough things this summer that I will have built up a vast supply of recipes once school starts in the fall.  Being a teacher and a mom of two very active children, we spend a lot of long evenings at sporting events.  So, it is important for me to get a handle on cooking for my family before my schedule goes crazy again.  

Overall, Emma is doing a lot better.  However, she has had one really, really bad day a week.  She has been sick less days a week, but it is much more severe.  She basically throws up nonstop one day a week (since she has been on this diet).  And, ironically, it is always on a Wednesday.  As a matter of fact, most of her bad days have fallen on Wednesdays for quite some time now.  Her original diagnosis was cyclic vomiting syndrome (and it is one that has been considered several times since then), which means you literally vomit on a cycle for no reason.  This makes me wonder if that diagnosis may be partially accurate on top of the allergies and other stuff.  It stinks that she has to eat with all these modifications AND is still throwing up.

My Recipe Binder

Soy/Dairy Free Pancake Recipe--Wonderful for Entire Family!

• 1½ cups unbleached self-rising flour
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• ¼ tsp baking soda
• 1 large egg
• 1 cup coconut milk or yogurt (or ¾ cup milk plus 1 tablespoon vinegar or lemon juice)
• 2 tablespoons Earth Balance organic coconut spread

1)    Whisk together the flour, sugar, and baking soda.

2)    In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg, milk, and coconut spread until foamy.  Add to the flour mixture and mix until blended.  Leaving a few small lumps is okay.

3)    Let the batter rest for about 5 minutes while your griddle or frying pan heats up.  Heat to medium high (375 or 400 degrees F) until a drop of water dribbled onto the surface bounces across it.  Brush lightly with coconut spread or spray with non-stick soy-free baking spray. 

4)    For each pancake, drop ¼ cup of batter onto griddle.  Flip as you would regular pancakes.

Note:  You can also add Enjoy Life semi-sweet chocolate chips to the batter.  They are soy, nut, and dairy free.)

This was adapted from the recipe found at http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/self-rising-light-and-fluffy-pancakes-recipe.

Update

We have been very careful with Emma's dietary restrictions for about two weeks now. Overall, she has done well. However, she was extremely sick Tuesday night and all day Wednesday. She threw up over a dozen times. We are unsure if she picked up a bug, accidentally got ahold of something she shouldn't have eaten, or was just physically exhausted from her annual camping trip with her grandparents. She did eat a lot more red meat over those four days while camping than she normally would (I don't cook a lot of meat other than chicken breast), so that may also be part of the reason. Either way, we are hoping it is a fluke. She has some blah days still--but not like she was having. 

Pudding or Slop?

I decided to make instant pudding tonight with coconut milk. I am no chef, but instant pudding is something even my husband could accomplish (sorry, honey, but you know you missed out on the cooking genes). Anyway, I dumped, poured, and stirred just as I would with good ole cow's milk.  Imagine my surprise when I went to eat my delectable dish and found slop instead. Through recent experience and subsequent research, I have now discovered that pudding does not set with alternative milks. 

We can put people in space, but we can't make pudding without a cow. Go figure.